


Invisible

by softlybarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kidnapping, Miscarriage, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-08 01:03:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12244086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlybarnes/pseuds/softlybarnes
Summary: Y/N and Bucky's relationship is on the rocks after a series of misfortunes that tests them both.





	Invisible

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think ❤️
> 
> Thanks for reading❤️

Bucky grunts, thrusting into Y/N again roughly. She hasn’t made a sound but he hasn’t really noticed. He hasn’t noticed in a while that she mostly just lay pliant when he fucked her. The only thing that concerned him was chasing his own pleasure, feeling human again with Y/N. She always brings him back to himself, one way or another. And maybe that’s been unfair to her.

With another harsh snap of his hips she suddenly sighs. “Are you done?” Her hips are aching, her core is sore too.

“What?” he pants hard, looking at her through the curtain of his hair, sweat making some of it stick to his temples.

“I asked if you were done,” her voice is hard, distant. “Because I’m certainly not getting anything out of this.”

He pulls back as if slapped and then huffs out a breath. “Christ, Y/N, tell me how you really-,”

“Let me up.” He pulls out and flops onto his back, watching as she doesn’t look at him, only picks up her robe and drapes it around her shoulders, tying a knot to keep it closed. “You can’t keep doing this to me.”

“Doing what?” Bucky takes to staring at the ceiling, his voice quiet and exhausted. Things have been strained between them for months, and he can’t say he surprised she’s stopped their intimacy.

She sniffles; she’s crying again. They’re on the edge of oblivion, and she knows it. But she doesn’t think that Bucky does. She doesn’t think he knows it’s gotten this bad, that she’s ready to end the relationship. It’s like he doesn’t see her anymore. Y/N feels invisible around him. He doesn’t see her pain or heartbreak or abandonment. “This. I can’t keep doing… _us_. I don’t want to keep fighting for something that’s already over.”

That gets his attention. Bucky bolts upright in bed and stares at her turned back.

“I think we should break up.”

“No. _Nonononono_.” He jumps out of bed, naked as the day he was born and still hard, to shuck on some sweatpants. But she’s walking away from him, toward the door, seemingly already defeated. “Y/N! Y/N? Hey-,” he darts in front of her bracing his hands on their bedroom doorway so she can’t leave. “Where is this coming from?”

She stares at him openmouthed, disbelief pouring off her in waves. “Seriously?”

“Yes?” It comes out as a question which doesn’t help his situation. He knows where it’s coming from, at least in part.

“Bucky,” she sighs, crossing her arms and turning away from him again, walking back toward their bed. “You don’t talk to me anymore. You don’t look at me except for when you get back from missions. And even then you just fuck me however you like and ignore me again. If we do talk you go silent pretty quickly and I feel like I’m annoying you. When you aren’t on missions you don’t spend any time with me. You’re always out late and I have this feeling that you might be-,” she stops herself but the words hang in the air, _cheating on me._

Bucky stalks forward and stands behind her, “Think I might be what, Y/N?” There’s a growl in his voice that makes her shiver.

She ignores his question. “I don’t think you love me anymore. You fuck me like you hate me, like I’m being punished for something, and I can’t help but think it’s because of the baby.”

His heart seems to fall out of his chest and shatter somewhere around his feet, all the fight leaving him. “Doll…”

“No. Don’t do that. I know you hate me for losing our baby but I don’t want to be punished anymore so just-,”

“Y/N-,”

She turns and stares at his chest, refusing to meet his eyes, “We don’t talk. The only time you want me is when we’re fucking. And I haven’t come in months. We should break up.” Nervously she starts to twist the engagement ring off her finger.

His heart drops to his stomach, “Y/N-,”

“Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”

Bucky grabs her wrist, holding her hand tightly in his, keeping the ring on her finger. “Y/N, it’s not like that.” His chest is so tight it feels like he can’t breathe. He can’t lose her. Bucky can’t believe he didn’t see it before, the distance between them, the tension and despondency. A bitter hate for himself fills his veins as he examines her bowed, defeated shoulders. His fingers go under her chin, tilting her face up. “It’s not like that, babydoll.”

“Then what’s it like?” She asks with a tremble in her voice. “Huh? Why don’t you love me anymore? What’s the other explanation? I know you blame me for what happened and that’s why you hate me.”

“I do love you,” he whispers. “God, baby, you’re the only girl I’ve ever loved. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”

“Bucky,” she starts, voice a hard edge. “This is the first bit of attention you’ve shown me in _months_!” Y/N rips herself away from him.

A bubble of anger swells up in him, “Because you pushed me away! And I thought you needed space. I didn’t know what else to do. After you got out of the hospital you pushed me away.”

Shock crosses her face and he steps closer. “You pushed me away, Y/N. For weeks. I tried to be there. But you didn’t want that, and I thought you must blame _me_. For not being faster, stronger, for not getting to you on time. So I started staying with Steve sometimes because I thought you didn’t want me around anymore. That was my baby too. We both lost something that day. I almost lost you too.” Bucky reaches out and pulls her to his chest. “The only time you let me come near you is when you wanted to have sex and I…I guess I fell into a pattern. I want to be here for you. I thought you needed space, Y/N, I’m trying to do the right thing. Please don’t do this to me, doll.”

When she’s silent he continues. “I tried to be soft with you. Remember? But you didn’t want that. You wanted me to be rough-,”

“Not all the time!”

“How am I supposed to know, Y/N? You don’t talk to me either.”

“You get mad any time I talk to you. So I didn’t say anything.”

He takes a deep breath, trying to keep calm, “Then let’s start talking again.”

“Okay. Are you cheating on me?” 

“ _No_.” He whispers, “No, of course I’m not. How can you think I’d do something like that to you? After everything?”

She buries her face in his neck as tears start streaming down her face. “Because I lost our baby.”

Something changes then as Bucky takes her and cradles her to him carefully, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “No, love, no you didn’t. I don’t blame you. Please, Y/N,” he whispers. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to lose you too.”

“If I had been stronger-,”

He shushes her, rocking her back and forth as the tears start to come in earnest. “No. If anything it’s my fault.”

A wail leaves her as she clutches him hard. “How?”

“I didn’t find you in time. I didn’t protect you. Someone kidnapped you, Y/N.”

“And i-if I had been st-stronger then maybe-,”

She breaks down into sobs again and the only thing Bucky can do is hold her and whisper small apologies to her. There’s nothing else to be said for a moment. Bucky kisses her hair and tips backward on the bed so they’re lying together. “There’s nothing you could have done, baby. I’m sorry I haven’t been here. When you kept pushing me away I thought…I thought you blamed me. I thought you needed time apart.”

“We need to communicate. I don’t want to end this.” She clutches his shirt desperately. “But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep feeling like a ghost, like no one sees me or hears me.”

The blood in his veins seems to turn to ice. The last thing he’d ever want is for her to feel silenced and invisible. He had felt that way for decades. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I see you, doll.”

“ _Now_ you do but-,”

“Y/N please…baby, I see you, I just didn’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.”

She pulls back and sits up, one hand going to caress his cheek, “Do you blame me? Please be honest with me-,”

“Doll, I don’t blame you. _I don’t blame you_. I blame me. You still have marks on you…from-from what they did to you. All because I got lax, comfortable.” He covers her hand with his keeping it pressed against his cheek. “I don’t want to lose you because I don’t know how to communicate, because I’m bad at this. Y/N, babydoll, I wanna be good to you. It’s all I ever wanted to be to you.”

 Y/N leans down and presses her lips very gently to his. “We need to talk to each other.”

“We do,” he whispers, pressing a hand to the back of her neck to keep her forehead against his. “Let’s start talking right now.”

She sniffles hard, “Okay.” Y/N readjusts to kiss him again. “I don’t want things to end between us. I want us to be okay again.”

So they talk, nearly all night they talk. And then, for the first time in months Bucky and Y/N share a bed through the night and well into the morning. When Steve calls to get Bucky to go to the gym he tells him to leave them be, that Y/N needs him.

He traces her skin, the marks left there by HYDRA agents who wanted their Soldier back, to ruin him all over again. But Y/N hadn’t let them.

“You were so brave, baby.” He presses a kiss to her mouth. “I’m lucky to have you.”

“Tell me it’s going to be okay. Tell me we’ll work something out.”

Bucky doesn’t know what else to do besides hold her tightly and say that they will, that he’s sorry, and that things will be fine. “Don’t bottle things up again, Y/N. I need to hear it from you. I need to hear it. I’m sorry I didn’t see it, that I didn’t see you suffering.”

“I didn’t mean to push you away, Buck,” she presses him back into the pillows. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you away.”

“I know, doll. I shoulda seen that.”

She’s latched onto him desperately, clutching him like her life depends on it. “I love you, Bucky. And it wasn’t your fault either, what happened. You deserve to be happy, to not have to look over your shoulder.”

He doesn’t believe that’s true. But he believes it’s true for Y/N, who has, for some unfathomable reason decided she loves him. So it has to be true for him if only to keep her safe. “I know. Things are going to be okay now. Okay? I promise.”

Y/N believes him, and so she closes her eyes and clutches his shirt and they stay in bed for the day. She believes things might get better because they want them to.


End file.
